I'm sad. Ames has left us. Was he my favorite at the beginning of the season? No. Was he the most attractive looking guy in the bunch? No. Was he a dorky guy that was more than a little quirky sometimes? Yes. I think we can all see why I fell in love.
A quick recap:
Chris Harrison: "Tell me about Ames."
Ashley: "I love Ames. He is so great. I've never met anyone like him before. He is exactly my type, which is why I'm not going to give him a rose."
Ames' dreams may have been shattered last night, but many women are thanking Ashley for letting go of the best man standing because now he is available for the rest of us. Thanks, Ash. There were collective "awe"s and "that's so sad"s when my friends and I saw the look on poor Ames' face when Ashley broke his heart. She didn't deserve you Ames.
I know I have been really hard on Ashley this season. Don't get me wrong. I love the Bachelor/Bachelorette (thus, the blog), but let's be serious for a sentence. This season is boring! Ashley has made some really stupid choices, the guys have been idiots, the dates haven't been exciting, Ashley cried about a man that wasn't even on the show for at least 4 episodes, and do I really need to remind everyone about the masked man or the hot water heater conversation? It's frustrating.
That being said, we can move on to the hometown date discussion, where I can actually give Ashley some credit. She looked great on all the dates. A very appropriate meet-the-parents collection. Have you done this before Ashley?
In Atlanta, she made pizza with Constantine while being stalked by the wait staff inside the restaurant. Even I felt a little uncomfortable as they watched Ashley and Constantine eat pizza on the patio. About 20 girls stood there with their noses to the window, trying to squeeze into the camera shot for their chance at being on national television for 3 seconds. Awkward. After pizza, they went to talk and dance Greek all night with Constantine's extended family. It actually looked like fun. I applaud you Constantine.
In New York with Ames, they ate a simple dinner with his family and we got a peek inside his mother's poorly decorated home. Next, they went on a little horse drawn carriage ride with men dressed like old-school stagecoach drivers, who I can only imagine Ames' family keeps on staff just for moments like this. They also had a picnic under a magnolia tree ("romantic") where Ames used big words and confused the hell out of Ashley.
Next, in Sonoma, Ben took Ashley to taste his wine. This was followed by yet another picnic in the vineyard and dinner with his mom and sister. Ben had a sweet heart-to-heart with his mother and I may have fallen back in love with him. Not sure yet, but I will keep you posted.
The last home town date was with J.P., back in New York. Jordan Paul got a little creative with his date and took Ashley roller skating. I have to hand it to them, they both had fairly decent skills. When the lights went down and the slow song started, I held my breath in suspense wondering who J.P. would ask to skate with him for the couples skate! Just like in Jr. High, I sat on the couch just watching the other couples skate. (Insert your pity comment here.) They shared (another) picnic on the rink and headed off to J.P.'s for dinner with the family. The highlight of the entire date was the giant picture of J.P. with a mullet. It was unfortunate. But, even more unfortunate is the fact that I still feel like J.P. might be a bit of a jerk.
The hometown dates were, of course, followed by the rose ceremony and a very interesting magical-yoga-pose-twist demonstration by a friend of mine. You can guess which was more entertaining and drew more applause from the crowd at my house.
Next week, the overnight dates. I wonder who will "choose to forego their individual suits"!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Maybe She's Not Cut Out For This
"Maybe I wasn't cut out for this." It's the sound clip we have been hearing all season, and on Monday night, we finally got it! Tears, smeared mascara, shaky voices. This is Bachelorette magic.
Much to Ryan's disappointment, the first one-on-one date card of the evening arrived for Constantine, who is as boring as I am when I'm hungover. When Constantine was on the screen, I didn't hear anything because I was too busy trying to measure the size of his forehead. Upon realizing this, I immediately rewound the DVR so I could concentrate. It didn't help. The only thing I got out of the conversation was when Constantine reflected back on something Ashley said earlier in the season. "OMG, you like were totally listening when I said that!" Is that a novel thing there for ya Ashley? She was so surprised that someone was actually listening to her, I felt a little sorry for her. She spent much of the date fishing for compliments and trying to get Constantine to hold her hand. Typical.
Much to Ryan's disappointment (again) the second one-on-one date card of the evening arrived for Ben. We had to watch Ryan drag his head and the sweat drip off of J.P.'s entire head. Why the look of surprise boys? Judging by their behavior, I can only guess that someone forgot to tell them they were on a dating show. Ashley and Ben's date began on a moped. This is going to be great! Who doesn't love a good moped? Ben started off the date with a bang - a Dumb and Dumber reference, which I'm pretty sure Ashley didn't catch. The fun stopped there and I began to hate Ben. He kept saying he was "falling in love with Ashley." Seriously? My crush stops here, because I don't like stupid people.
Here is where the drama ensues. Ben doesn't come home! What?! Ben's not in his bed. If I were a more fluent blogger (which I'm not) or more motivated (which I'm never), I would put up a poll and everyone could vote on whether or not Ben was lying when he said they had separate rooms. You're not fooling anyone Ben, including J.P.
On the group date which included Ames, Lucas, and J.P., we take wedding portraits, because that's not weird at all. True to form, Ames wore his unfortunate wardrobe chosen by the ABC producers with confidence and style. He didn't mope around (J.P) or whine (J.P.) or hang his head for attention (J.P.). He just looked hot. J.P. however, looked like a whiney brat. It took me a whole 1/10 of a second to realize who he reminded me of - Ashley. He is such an insecure little sh*t, I can't hardly look at him. And that's saying something because he's pretty damn cute. Honestly J.P., you're acting like a girl. Most girls would say that such jealousy is not very becoming, but not Ashley! She decides to give J.P. the rose to reassure him. Excellent idea.
On the last one-on-one date of the evening, Ryan has his opportunity to run a ridiculous distance across the streets of Taipei and whip Ashley up into his arms and twirl her around. I could see the little though bubble above his head - "This is it! Don't screw it up! Arms out...lift (with your legs, not your back)...twirl!" Flawless, Ryan. Awkward, but flawless. Ashley and Ryan head to a temple where a bunch of people are praying and decide to disrupt the entire religious display by walking through all of these people, cameras in tow. "Don't you know who I am?! Respect Taipei faithful people - respect." After this, they sit down for a nice lunch where Ashley tells Ryan to talk dirty to her. Environmentally, that is. He chooses the evils of hot water heaters. I'm a tree hugger myself, but this is a little weird. To top it off, Ashley's not even paying attention. You can tell by the look on her face that she's planning her next outfit. This is why she sends him home, and we have to endure 10 minutes of Ryan pulling his sh*t together before we can go to commercial break.
Oh sigh.
At the rose ceremony, Ashley sends Lucas (Big Tex) home and then once again second guesses her decision. Don't rethink it Ashley. Contrary to popular belief, it takes a lot of awesome to be a country bumpkin, and I don't think you're cut out for it.
Much to Ryan's disappointment, the first one-on-one date card of the evening arrived for Constantine, who is as boring as I am when I'm hungover. When Constantine was on the screen, I didn't hear anything because I was too busy trying to measure the size of his forehead. Upon realizing this, I immediately rewound the DVR so I could concentrate. It didn't help. The only thing I got out of the conversation was when Constantine reflected back on something Ashley said earlier in the season. "OMG, you like were totally listening when I said that!" Is that a novel thing there for ya Ashley? She was so surprised that someone was actually listening to her, I felt a little sorry for her. She spent much of the date fishing for compliments and trying to get Constantine to hold her hand. Typical.
Much to Ryan's disappointment (again) the second one-on-one date card of the evening arrived for Ben. We had to watch Ryan drag his head and the sweat drip off of J.P.'s entire head. Why the look of surprise boys? Judging by their behavior, I can only guess that someone forgot to tell them they were on a dating show. Ashley and Ben's date began on a moped. This is going to be great! Who doesn't love a good moped? Ben started off the date with a bang - a Dumb and Dumber reference, which I'm pretty sure Ashley didn't catch. The fun stopped there and I began to hate Ben. He kept saying he was "falling in love with Ashley." Seriously? My crush stops here, because I don't like stupid people.
Here is where the drama ensues. Ben doesn't come home! What?! Ben's not in his bed. If I were a more fluent blogger (which I'm not) or more motivated (which I'm never), I would put up a poll and everyone could vote on whether or not Ben was lying when he said they had separate rooms. You're not fooling anyone Ben, including J.P.
On the group date which included Ames, Lucas, and J.P., we take wedding portraits, because that's not weird at all. True to form, Ames wore his unfortunate wardrobe chosen by the ABC producers with confidence and style. He didn't mope around (J.P) or whine (J.P.) or hang his head for attention (J.P.). He just looked hot. J.P. however, looked like a whiney brat. It took me a whole 1/10 of a second to realize who he reminded me of - Ashley. He is such an insecure little sh*t, I can't hardly look at him. And that's saying something because he's pretty damn cute. Honestly J.P., you're acting like a girl. Most girls would say that such jealousy is not very becoming, but not Ashley! She decides to give J.P. the rose to reassure him. Excellent idea.
On the last one-on-one date of the evening, Ryan has his opportunity to run a ridiculous distance across the streets of Taipei and whip Ashley up into his arms and twirl her around. I could see the little though bubble above his head - "This is it! Don't screw it up! Arms out...lift (with your legs, not your back)...twirl!" Flawless, Ryan. Awkward, but flawless. Ashley and Ryan head to a temple where a bunch of people are praying and decide to disrupt the entire religious display by walking through all of these people, cameras in tow. "Don't you know who I am?! Respect Taipei faithful people - respect." After this, they sit down for a nice lunch where Ashley tells Ryan to talk dirty to her. Environmentally, that is. He chooses the evils of hot water heaters. I'm a tree hugger myself, but this is a little weird. To top it off, Ashley's not even paying attention. You can tell by the look on her face that she's planning her next outfit. This is why she sends him home, and we have to endure 10 minutes of Ryan pulling his sh*t together before we can go to commercial break.
Oh sigh.
At the rose ceremony, Ashley sends Lucas (Big Tex) home and then once again second guesses her decision. Don't rethink it Ashley. Contrary to popular belief, it takes a lot of awesome to be a country bumpkin, and I don't think you're cut out for it.
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